so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
