I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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