Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
