I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
