If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
