maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
