So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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