The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
