Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
