I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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