The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
