She's JV to your varsity
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
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I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
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I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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