Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize