you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
