shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
