everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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