It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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