eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
