my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
