Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I can't turn off my feet"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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