I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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