You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
