i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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