Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
