Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
