Need sex. Gaining weight.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
