I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
