I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
