If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i already hear my dad disowning me
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
