i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
