I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
