While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
