Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
