Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You're like the curious george of whores
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
