just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
