Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
