Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
