EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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