I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
