I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
