u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
