The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
