Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
