i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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