im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
