I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
