I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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