Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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