we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
