GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
