when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
