Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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