Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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