Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
