We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
