Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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