dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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