i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
