3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Couch. On fire.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
