I wish life had little blips of pornography
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
