I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
