Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
