It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize