my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
