my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
