so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
