Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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