she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
