yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
