i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
