Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
