I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
